My Escape From Witnessing...

I was raised as a fourth generation on my Mom's side and third on my father's. I took to the religion almost immediately, becoming an unbaptized publisher at 8 and joining the theocratic ministry school where I would give five minute talks in front of over 100 people soon after. While I wouldn't go out of my way to preach to my classmates, if an opportunity to talk about my religion came up, I would take it. Missing out on holidays didn't seem like a big deal, having never experienced them. It was, however, really hard for me to miss out on playing sports, which were strictly forbidden because this would bring me into "bad association."

Starting at 8 I had cyclical periods of depression, where for months I would be fine, and then I would be praying for God to take me like he took Enoch. At 15, I tried an antidepressant for probably 6 months, but honestly I feel like this made my symptoms worse and practically constant. At this time I was also self harming and would fairly regularly write suicide notes. My last bout of depression was when I was 22...before I realized the truth about "the truth". I firmly believe that my emotions were circumstantial and a result of being pressured with guilt and constantly being told I needed to do more, and having feelings of inadequacy as a result. Since I have been cut off from contact with my family, I can't help but think they would rather I was that sad, suicidal person than the happy individual I am today...and in a way it's unfortunate that my parents will never understand how much I've been able to grow after leaving the fold.

As a witness, I considered myself to be pretty devout and a true believer, making it to nearly every meeting, handling microphones, helping with the distribution of witnessing territories and leading the group in the meetings for field service. I auxiliary pioneered (preaching for 50 hours a month) for several months at 18, and then regular pioneered (preaching for 70 hours a month) for two and a half years. I always met my hourly requirement. When I began working full time I stepped down from the full time ministry. And not long after, I began renting a room from a ministerial servant. While attending trade school I switched congregations because I had school on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. By switching congregations I was still able to attend all of the meetings.

In November of 2007 a close friend started strongly encouraging me to watch a film called "Zeitgeist" and I eventually acquiesced. While a good chunk of the film promoted some pretty wild conspiracy theories, the first half was devoted to the origin of the Christ myth. While we had been told over and over about Christendom's (our religion’s name for false christians) ties with paganism, this film showed how basic elements of the story of Christ were essentially lifted from older religions. I tried to bottle these ideas up and deny they were true, but they kept nagging at me. I was speaking about this with a "worldly" acquaintance and he encouraged me to look at evolution. I absolutely didn't think evolution could be true because I had "studied" it using our publications. I decided to give it a look from a different perspective though and read a good portion of "On the Origin of Species" and all of Jerry Coyne's "Why Evolution is True." I then went back and actually used the provided bibliography in the our book on evolution and it made me incredibly angry when I realized how deceitful they were when writing this book and how they would manipulate quotes from respected scientists and then paint charlatans with no scientific background as experts on evolution. While I was studying all of this I tried to keep up the façade of being a witness because I knew if I left I would be cut off from my friends and family. Honestly that's when I first understood what Jeremiah meant when he said the word of God became like a fire in his bones. The more I tried to hold back from telling everyone about the truth about "the truth" the harder it was. My older sister confronted me eventually and asked me if I loved Jehovah, when I told her I didn't believe in him she went straight to my parents who then wanted to study with me. I agreed to study with them, which was really a mistake. I had done my research and showed them how the witnesses had used deceitful techniques in their writings, but after several hours of trying to just get through one chapter of the book "Life, How Did it Get Here" I finally excused myself.

Somehow I still thought I could salvage my relationships with my friends and family if I was never formally disfellowshipped, so to avoid this I moved from Boise, Idaho to Salt Lake City. As far as I know I still have never been disfellowshipped, however I still haven't had any contact with my family and the vast majority of my so-called witness friends. In 2012 I sent invitations to my wedding to my two siblings and my parents, my brother never responded and my sister and parents both RSVP'd saying that everything I have said has been hurtful and asked me to never contact them again. That's the last I've heard anything from them.

Leaving the witnesses is incredibly difficult by design. Being willing to sacrifice all of your personal relationships is a tall order, that's why I say leaving the witnesses is the most expensive decision I ever made, costing me everyone I cared about. But it was also an investment in a new life, and it is incredible how much more worth this life really has. Today I live a block and a half from the ocean in San Diego with my loving wife. I have a good union job and am able to surf and dive regularly. I often think about how much of a time suck being a witness has on one's life, and I am so grateful that I'm now able to make the most out of every moment and I'm not held back because I'm waiting on a New System that I know will never come.

~Mark Adams