Control...

The cult I was born into exerted complete control over the people within it.

My parents gave up their careers and ambitions, donated their wealth, and severed ties to the outside world to be part of a community they felt purpose in. The cult removed outside influences such as TV, music, media, and school, and replaced these with cult propaganda. Anything that contradicted the cult's teachings was branded as ungodly and sinful.

When the first generation of cult members had children, they raised them as child soldiers for the cult. Family units were broken up so that people could not depend on each other for protection or support – this would make them better soldiers for God.

The cult cultivated an 'us versus them' mentality. The cult was fighting for God and anyone who wasn't with them was against them. People outside the cult were 'Systemites' (followers of the devil's system) and not to be trusted; even teachers and doctors were evil. Children did not need a formal education as the world would soon end; seeking medical advice was failing to trust in God. This led to many cases of medical and educational neglect, and even disability and death.

Members of all ages worked long hours to propagate the cult's message, going door-to-door and on the streets and using aggressive selling tactics. If people reacted badly, it was "proof" outsiders were mean.

The cult created an atmosphere of paranoia and hypervigilance. If a non-cult relative expressed concern about the welfare of a family member of theirs in the cult, this was evidence that the relative was trying to lure the cult member away. If police or social workers asked questions, they were trying to trick cult members so that they could take the children away, arrest the parents, and stop God’s work.

Over time, the cult introduced more and more abusive practices including extreme levels of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse across all ages. The "guidance" for these practices had come straight from God's "prophet" and no one could question it.

Questions were deemed sinful, and saying "no" was forbidden. Having an imagination or showing signs of individuality were signs of the devil's influence. We were taught to confess every doubt or sin we had and also to report on others, as failure to report was punishable. Discipline was severe and obligatory, and could be meted out by anybody for anything.

This was the world I was born into. I struggled to understand what was wrong with me, as I wasn't able to be the "good girl" they wanted me to be. I was never given options; I was raised to fight and die for the cause my parents had chosen.

I was abused from the age of four, and it upset me. My reaction to being physically and sexually abused was "a sign of selfishness" – I had no right to refuse, so I was punished. Punishments included beatings, hard labour, eating soap, and silence restriction.

Silence restriction was torture and total isolation. I could not communicate with anyone (not even eye contact) except my assigned leader, who would quiz me sporadically to see if I had learnt my "lesson". Food was restricted, indoctrination was increased, and beatings were given to reinforce my "lesson". Silence restriction could last from hours to months; I was first put on silence restriction at six years old.

I'd tried to kill myself several times before I turned 15, but I still did not feel that leaving the cult was an option. The cult had deprived me of all resources that may have helped me survive in the outside world. I had no education, no money, and no non-cult relatives who knew me. I had grown up with stories of others leaving the cult and being raped, killed, or committing suicide as a direct result of God punishing them.

Leaving the cult would mean leaving my family, my friends, everything and everyone I'd ever known, to enter a world I knew nothing about, and with no support. I was terrified that I would be homeless and become yet another cautionary tale.

It took me until 15 to escape – I would die if I stayed, so I took the risk and left. The control the cult exerted over me continued after I escaped. I didn't speak out against the cult for years, for fear of consequences to those still trapped inside. 

The outside world hasn't been easy to navigate but I've never regretted that decision to leave and take control of my body, mind, and future. I never realized how much of a captive I'd been until I tasted freedom. I've never looked back! I'm hoping my story inspires others to escape any coercive, controlling environment they are trapped in and fight for their freedom.

~Verity Carter