Love of the Truth, Love of Reality

When you grow up in an authoritarian family that operates like a cult, can you ever get out? I began the conscious process of leaving my family when I was fifteen. I waited until I was the legal age of twenty one and boarded a plane to England the next day. I found companionship in an American / International college community with others who were searching for Truth. I had several older friends, people who had awakened from the trance of what spiritual people call the dream state, exactly the models I needed to shed my authoritarian conditioning and awaken the creative imaginal realm within. Starting from scratch, I questioned everything. Through the mentoring of my teachers, I learned to approach life with openness and with inquiry. This approach allows me to enter into any situation and navigate my way through with integrity, and most importantly with an internal locus of control.

I made a decision as an adult, not to cut off my relationship with my parents, for the sake of my children, but this meant I lived a double life. While I limited contact and what I shared with my parents, I developed a separate life in which I began to thrive. One key to my growth and to my living a life of purpose has been the support of “my team”, sometimes only one or two people at any given time who love me unconditionally and speak truth to me. Lately my team is greatly expanded and includes new friends as well as some friends I have known since childhood. I discuss all matters of importance with these trusted advisors, then navigate my way intuitively.

I’m a writer now and having agency over my own narrative is paramount. When my father died, my older brother became the second generation cult leader. I have been in litigation with him for the past two years, still trying to extricate myself from financial entanglements. But what is really at steak here? I think I have known all along I am trying to get out with my sanity in tact. I am up against my brother’s false narrative in court, and I wondered at first if I would lose my mind. But even though there may be no justice through the court system, for now I have emerged victorious.

I’m reminded that Kabir says: “Now my love energy is actually mine. This time I will take it with me when I go, and outside his house I will blow the horn of triumph.”

~Marina