God And -- Not God Or -- Medicine...

My boyfriend was devastated when I told him we were done. So his mother urged him to go back to church. He, then, brought this church’s teachings to me and I was intrigued. I was just a teenager who was leaving for college that summer. And I had always been a Christian in one of the more orthodox traditions. But the church his mother wanted him to return to was – and is – anti-medicine.

            I could look back and think, “How strange that I would even have considered such a church!” But it isn’t strange. I had hardly ever been to a doctor my whole life. My family wasn’t against it, but nothing much warranted the trip as far as we were concerned. I remember thinking that teaching was a bit extreme. But the more orthodox teachings had left me cold. I liked this way of viewing Jesus and his teachings. And I thought it was a more devout kind of faith to lay it all on the line with prayer. And I was a very healthy person. And I was young.

            So, every physical challenge was met with prayer. My boyfriend and I got married and had two sons. I would hear about people in the news whose child had died – people who were members of my church whom I didn’t know. They were prosecuted. That gave me pause.

            My younger son had so many earaches. I prayed and held him, but nothing more. It was an annual problem. The church had a loophole in which you could take your child to a doctor if the other parent wasn’t a member and insisted. But I wasn’t in that category. I was jealous of women who were.

            But then we moved to a new school system. They required a physical. So, I didn’t fight it. I was happy to go. The doctor gave my son antibiotics for swimmer’s ear and that would clear it up. But it came back. It’s interesting to me now that I simply gave him the antibiotics. I guess I always wanted to have the help. I just needed some cover.

            Soon the primary care doctor recommended an ENT, who looked more closely and said my son had a condition in the inner ear that required surgery. An enzyme needed to be picked off and the ear drum repaired.

            Somehow, I was able to say to my husband of almost 20 years, “We’re doing this.” And he was able to use the loophole: His spouse insisted on medical care.

            So, let me pause a minute. Some cults are much more controlling than this. Some keep you locked behind fences, or they follow you around and harass you, or they shun you, or your spouse divorces you, etc. This group isn’t like this. They aren’t pushy about money, either.

            Nevertheless, I was going along with a religious tenet that never made sense to me. I loved this spiritual way of expressing Christianity. But I cringed when my mother joined, for instance, knowing that she needed medical care as she aged. That part of the teaching was extreme. I know that people call you a “cafeteria“ believer if you don’t follow every rule of your church. But I’m thinking that we all should be encouraged to pick and choose our beliefs. The fact is, that’s what we do anyway. We should feel free to embrace it.

            So, after the first surgery, we waited 6 months for a checkup. But the hole in the ear drum returned. The ENT tried again. Six months later, the hole returned again. So we went to a specialist who did a longer, more exacting treatment. When he came out, he said, “When it goes like that, 95 percent of the time, it’s over.” And it was.

            I have to tell you something I overheard my son say to his girlfriend before the second surgery when he was in 10th grade. “You know why they want me back for this surgery, don’t you? It’s because I look so sexy when I’m unconscious.” I loved that.

            That was almost a 3-year process. At first, I thought of myself as a cafeteria-whatever. I was still working for the church and doing all of the practices. For a brief window, church members were allowed to pray for people who were in medical care. So a special person who is ordained by the church to do healing prayer was praying with me. Then that window closed and he let me know that someone really woke him up. They told him that it just wouldn’t be true adherence to our beliefs to mix them with medicine. So, I was on my own with my son. My husband only wanted to know the basic facts about what we were doing. However, I know that he prayed.

            Frankly, I was more concerned about my son than about losing my faith. I prayed and read the teachings with less interest. However, something became increasingly clear to me: This anti-medicine doctrine wasn’t a side issue. It was the whole thing. It was essentially on every page of the founder’s book. I was such a Bible lover, that I wasn’t as invested in that book as I was in the Bible. I was still pursuing the beliefs that had always felt supportive to me. This church had given me new insights which I loved. But I was constantly stumbling over this anti-medicine doctrine. I finally made the move to be done with it.

            So, what did that mean? On the surface, not much. I’m still married and my husband still follows those teachings in a more “cafeteria” way. He has been willing to get help when needed and an annual physical. My two sons were never very interested in the church and we didn’t urge them to be.

            Not very dramatic, I guess. But it has been a really big deal to me. They told me that, that ear condition can do major damage if left untreated. My son is in his 30s and hasn’t had an ear problem since his third surgery.

            My heart beats faster when I think about this story and the danger my son was in. I still go to church, a different one. And I think that when I went with my gut and got my son the help he needed, that’s when I was really listening to God.

~Anonymous