Nobody Knew...

“They shouldn’t be asking you about that. You need to work through it with leaders only.”

I had been living with the community for a month or two. I’d moved in with them, in order to escape an abusive relationship with my college boyfriend, and was going through “counseling” with our “pastor”. A friendly couple in the community took me to lunch one afternoon, and asked to hear my story. I felt uncomfortable sharing, but didn’t know it was because I had been traumatized.

That couple left the community not long after. We shunned them, but all I can think of now is their care and concern. Nobody else knew my story, and few people asked.

It was understood that I had moved in because of a relationship gone bad, and that leaders were counseling me. But by the time I was allowed to discuss it, my story was reframed through a lens of victory in Christ over my shameful sin of cowardice.

I can only remember two other people who asked for the details of my story, beyond what I’d been taught to tell. One was a new recruit, and the other was my best friend in the community.

Even my husband only learned about the abuse in my past after we left, when we’d been married for five years.

Today I remain friends with one of the ex-leaders who is dealing with her own trauma of working so closely with our ex-“pastor”. In a conversation about our separate journeys of recovery and therapy, I mentioned that my biggest issue has been the abusive relationship. I was unsurprised at her response.

“I never really knew much about that.”

~Lis