Overcomer...
I was born addicted to alcohol.
At the age of one, I entered foster care, where I’d be tossed back and forth from my birth mom’s to 11 different homes.
I started getting sexually abused by my birth mom from ages 3-5 years old.
When I was 5, my own birth mom sold me to her brother-in-law on Christmas Day for his own sexual gratification.
After that specific abuse, I went back into foster care, never to see my birth mom again.
My birth dad was my protector for those 8 yrs.
He tried his best with what he had to try and keep us...he ended up signing his rights away and my birth mom’s rights were taken from her.
I was physically abused, verbally abused, sexually abused and raped in 10 of the homes.
I was also neglected by DCF, (The Department of Children and Families) workers, and while at the last home, I learned my bio dad’s sister had started the process of adopting me.
Little did I know that my aunt would be taking me from one abusive environment to another.
My aunt raised me in a religious Pentecostal cult for 21 years where I was spiritually abused, mentally abused, emotionally abused...and for 7 of those years my aunt was allowing a pastor to sexually abuse me, all in the name of God.
My aunt believes I need deliverance from fetal alcohol syndrome, I need to be set free from trauma of foster care, and the only way to get that deliverance was to have a pastor sexually abuse me.
I was eventually kicked out of this cult in October 2006 when one night, I attempted to take my own life in the kitchen of my aunt’s house.
She called the cops and I willingly went to the hospital for a 48-hour watch. After the 48 hours was up, the social worker came into my room and told me I was good to go home.
I called my aunt to tell her she could come get me and her response was, “Ok I told you I am done with you, the Lord told me to release you in to his hands. You are on your own now and not welcomed back.”
The social worker called my aunt and told her she needed at least take me somewhere, so her and the lead pastor of this cult came and dropped me off at the homeless shelter and said, “Call me when you find a place and I’ll come bring your stuff to you.”
I lost my birth dad to cancer 4 years ago.
It was during the time he was dying of cancer that I was having nightmares and flashbacks of another pastor from this cult sexually abusing me for 7 years.
I confronted my aunt...she has openly admitted to knowing this pastor had sexually abused other girls prior to me.
Two days later I ended up asking my birth mom to come get me so the lead pastor of this cult and my aunt left all my stuff sitting in the parking lot of this homeless shelter.
My aunt said “I am done with you, I want nothing to do with you. You need to repent and make things right with God and me.”
Last February I started the process of seeking legal action against these two pastors. The process of seeking a lawyer has not been pleasant.
It has forced me to remember things I don’t want to remember.
I could cry so many tears, however my tears don’t bring relief. I find music and painting brings relief from this pain.
Painting is my medicine.
It heals me and takes away memories I don’t want to remember.
~Heather Knaut
“You've got the words to change a nation
But you're biting your tongue
You've spent a life time stuck in silence
Afraid you'll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?”
~Emeli Sandé