After the thaw...

Now that I am out, I find it very scary to listen to my pain but at the same time impossible to ignore. That part of me has been so lonely, so dormant, just like a very long root of some kind, hidden under the snow. Not dead, just frozen.

After I got out the warmth of spring has lured me to try to speak. Many warm summers have gone by before I could defrost my traumatic roots. Before I could trust myself again. It has taken so long because there have been so many layers of frozen dirt on top of them.

But now it seems the soil around me has melted and I can allow for a bud to show up. I feel that it can grow, that i can reach out and become longer and stronger.

After I got out I could finally pursue life goals, think my own thoughts, feel my own feelings and actually verbalize them. I can get support when I am feeling sad and I can receive love without feeling guilty. I even learned how to express my healthy anger.

It is so good to be out.

~Cathrine