Breaking the Chains...

At first, I wasn't even sure if it was appropriate for me to contribute my "I Got Out" story, but I thought it was important to to share how hard it was to overcome the intense religious indoctrination of my early years.

I was born into a high control group, second generation on my Mom's side. My Mom was a baptized member and my Dad was not. My Dad hated it and did everything in his power to dissuade her from participating in the organization, many times in violent ways. This is the world I was brought up in...divided...half cult, the other half an "unbeliever."

As a child, Mom covertly indoctrinated me and all my siblings every chance she had. We had to hide it from my Dad as he was the enemy. Because of my "divided" home, I was not allowed to attend many meetings (church services) and I never went door to door (preaching work). I don't recall ever seeing myself as a full-fledged member, but yet I believed that it was "The Truth."

After all, my Mom said it was the truth. Why wouldn't I believe her? I believed that she only wanted what was best for me, which was to live on a paradise earth with her and all the other members of this high control religious group.

In this environment, I felt a lot of confusion. I didn't quite fit in at school, at home or with my friends, so I at least wanted to fit in with my family. I loved them. I wanted to believe what they did so I could feel like I belonged somewhere. With that in mind, and at the request of my Mom, I agreed to having a bible study with leaders from her congregation. Over the years, I studied 3 different times, each lasting a year or more, but none ended in my Mom's goal of me being baptized. My family was so disappointed. I felt intense pressure to comply. An issue for me, was that it just never felt right to me...it never made sense...I thought there was something wrong with me. Why couldn't I just accept this was the truth? My Mom reinforced that belief by telling me that I had a “brain defect” and that I did not have enough love in my heart. She just couldn't understand my reluctance. My Mom's love was not unconditional. This was a source of great pain and loss for me. Thankfully, my "unbelieving" Dad, despite his many faults, was my ally. He always accepted and loved me for me, no strings attached, and I knew I had his unconditional love. If it weren't for my Dad's love and support I am pretty sure things would have turned out differently.

There were many events that eventually started the breakdown of my indoctrination. I feel that there were three main events that broke everything wide open for me. The first was watching my beloved nieces being shunned by their Mother and other close family members just because they decided to leave this high control group. The people in the group said it was out of “love” that they were shunning these close family members. I knew love had nothing to do with it. It was all about power and control. The second was having my daughter. Did I really want her growing up with these harmful beliefs? The answer was no. I wanted her to have a normal childhood and to feel like she fit in. Thirdly, I started researching the organization. I read everything I could get my hands on and watched countless hours of ex members on YouTube, all in an effort to find out the truth about "The Truth." Learning that the Governing Body of the organization had been protecting pedophiles and not protecting children from CSA was disgusting to me. No "true" organization would do this. My research validated my underlying doubts that it was NOT the one and only true religion. The blinders were taken off and my critical thinking was turned on. There was no looking back now!

My "I Got Out" story is really about me breaking free from the mental chains of my childhood religious indoctrination that kept me a prisoner in my own mind.

I now know that I was right to trust my instincts to not become a full-fledged member of this high control group. There never was anything wrong with me, but there was always something wrong with this religion...it was and is a cult!

I now know that I am strong and powerful and not the weak, unloving person my Mom thought I was. I am free to be me now and I am so thankful for my inner strength and the support of those that believed in me to get me through all the tough times!

 ~Lea