Sleeping on a real bed...

When it comes to narcissists and cults, when we’re in, we all see what we want to see and there’s just enough glimpses of that to make us stay in spite of the abuse...and in some cases the abuse is framed in such a way that if one perseveres, there’s growth and soul evolution to be had in the other side. 

In reading RoseMcGowen’s book Brave...she was describing a living situation with her abusive dad. She slept in the closet on a mat in a shitty apt. It triggered my memory of my sleeping situation up for more that 20 of the 30 years in my cult. I shared a room with another woman, but we didn’t have fixed beds. We had 4 futon type framed couches in the living room that had long cloth covered foam cushions, which every night when we’d pull into the bedroom to make a mat to sleep on. The pads were about 18 inches wide each and always separated in the middle if I rolled around any. It was a really big deal when at 42 years old, my love (who was able to eventually free up my mind enough for me to get out), found a day bed for that room that worked with the layout and didn’t scream “REAL BED”. After 20+ years, I actually was sleeping on a real mattress.

This was just one of the ways that AssWipe made any one of the women who lived at the house feel they were temporary and undeserving of dignity or comfort....unless you were one to sleep downstairs with him, which was a “privilege”. He had two queen mattresses side by side for himself and whoever was his muse of the day. True story.