It was dress up night. This was a common occurrence in the cult. Since we were not allowed to mingle with "outsiders," we would often have themed dance nights.
Tonight was gypsy night. We spent the afternoon finding odd ball loose clothing to wear. Often our outfits were whatever we could make with the sheets on our beds.
Read MoreMy parents gave up their careers and ambitions, donated their wealth, and severed ties to the outside world to be part of a community they felt purpose in. The cult removed outside influences such as TV, music, media, and school, and replaced these with cult propaganda. Anything that contradicted the cult's teachings was branded as ungodly and sinful.
Read MoreI am four-and-a-half years out of my last group. Or two-and-a-half-years out of the other group. And twenty-one years out of the second group. And twenty-two years out of the first. And somewhere in there, there was another almost group. Or two.
Read MoreBefore I put my toe in the water, I had to first get to the source. There had been no plans really to get wet, but when the shimmer of the sun hit the liquid, it was presented simply. Here it was, before my eyes, however just a puddle. Little did I know this fluid would become an ocean, nor did I imagine once I felt the texture of the liquid, it’s very essence and my perception of it would change beyond belief.
Read MoreWhen I was twenty -two, I uprooted from Southern California after completing a degree in theater at UCLA, got rid of everything I owned, moved Paris, France on a three-month visa. I had a notebook with a few people to contact there, and no other plan or preparation except a bilingual education and the intention of staying indefinitely. I was following my dreams.
My mother had jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge when I was 14. The incident was swept under the rug by most everyone while I struggled to blend in, to feel and act normal. I was living with my narcissistic father and his enabling second wife and family in an emotional wasteland, isolated within a group. I was only able to walk the bridge a few years ago.
Read MoreWhen I was a child I was kept in an institution
a building like a hospital with a wing for a school
and annexes where about two hundred of us lived–
invisible kids, girls without options, abandoned by Community.
For a few years in my early 20s, I was involved with a spiritual group that turned out to be a cult. And now, in my early 30s, that experience still haunts me. This writing is a way for me to work through my thoughts and feelings on what happened to me during that 4 year time period of my life.
My memories of what happened are still very clear to me. The whole ‘spiritual journey’ of the cult was a long process of me giving up myself, my family, my personality, all while super sad about it … feeling like it was for the betterment of my spirituality or my spiritual enlightenment. I was going to finally make it to where I needed to go as a spirit and finally come home to who I really was and feel whole and loved. (At least that’s what I was taught.)
Read MoreAt the age of one, I entered foster care, where I’d be tossed back and forth from my birth mom’s to 11 different homes. I started getting sexually abused by my birth mom from ages 3-5 years old.
When I was 5, my own birth mom sold me to her brother-in-law on Christmas Day for his own sexual gratification. After that specific abuse, I went back into foster care, never to see my birth mom again.
Read More“A symbol of transition and transformation, the frog supports us in times of change.”
It sounds insane to say, but a reckless road-hopping frog helped push me to decide to get out.
For the first year after leaving, I believed and said my time on the road was the best time of my life, filled entirely with adventure and excitement. For the following several years, I would try erasing that period from my memory forever.
Read MoreI got out of a group that I originally thought would help me become a more confident and effective person in the world. While I was in this group, I participated in several exercises that I now know are standard manipulation tactics in abusive cults and relationships.
I participated in these exercises with the full force of my being. I really believed I was helping others and, myself. I really believed I was special and had an opportunity to change the world for the better.
Read MoreIn 2017 I met a charming man on Tinder. We connected easily and deeply right away. He promised me he'd take care of me. He told me he loved me on the second date. He was spicy and handsome and took 10 years off his age on his profile. Why? I asked him when I found out. Well, you wouldn't have gone out with me if I had told the truth, he said. Well, yes and there's a reason for that, I thought, but at that point I was too far in, and reason flew out the window. I'm a successful executive coach. I am well-known in my field as a neuroscience expert. I have been exploring and working on my own spiritual development since I was 18 years old. I am well-informed, very smart, and nobody's fool.
About a month after my 13th birthday, I was sent to a therapeutic boarding school in Oregon.
I was in the midst of depression when I arrived there; several life-altering experiences happened to me in 1989 that would send any prepubescent girl into depression, including being molested by a family member for 10 years and not being believed, moving several times, usually in the middle of a school year, before I was 12, feelings of having no roots because of my adoption, having to quit competitive figure skating due to a move, finding out that my birth mother died 3 years prior and realizing that I would never be able to meet her.
I was also having a very hard time going through puberty, including having severe, hemorrhaging menstrual periods. It became too much for me. I was full of rage. Finally, in 7th grade, I refused to go to school.
Read MoreEvery minute of my days was spent waiting on him to tell me I had value. As if, without him I was nothing. As if, he held the key to my happiness. As if, I had never known happiness before and as if I would never know it again.
Seeing that I was the one that had much to offer took time. It didn’t happen overnight. I had to work as hard as I did to love him to understand and acknowledge my own value.
Read MoreI got out of an online-based Taoist cult.
In roughly 3 months, I became acquainted with the Taoist master's teachings by watching his videos on YouTube, got initiated, then ordained and ready to dedicate the rest of my life to burning from 6 to 30 incense sticks every single day… And I HATE incense!
I was also dedicating an increasing amount of time to many different rites - always growing in number, frequency, length and complexity; in front of an altar that was supposed to keep growing in size, and amount of statues and other holy instruments.
Read Moremy name is kennedy peil.
my first mental hospital admission was two years ago.
since then i’ve been admitted into around 7 or 8 psych wards.
i was sent to a mental health rehab facility and boarding school at 15 yrs old.
Read MoreThe Troubled Teen Industry: My story
Before I start, I really want to say I don’t blame the 80% of direct care staff. They were told to do things by people with a higher degree and the ability to fire them if they didn’t comply. They were overworked, underpaid, and undertrained. A handful of them follow me on Instagram, and I consider them people who helped me along the way. My problem is with the industry as a whole.
The troubled teen industry (TTI) refers to a network of private youth programs, therapeutic boarding schools, residential treatment centers, religious academies, wilderness programs, and drug rehabilitation centers and it dates back at least 50 years.
Read MoreI got out of a lifetime of HEAVY mask wearing, and shape shifting to survive and conform to the numerous systems of control & abuse. Systems whose main goal was to BREAK ME, and make me lose, ME. Systematically. Tragically, I let them have me. And use me. And confuse me.
I’ll never forget the day when all of the dots started to connect. I was standing in a room, filled with empty boxes. I was getting ready to embark on helping my brother pack up his partners things. She had been murdered (*allegedly*) by her narcissist ex-husband, in broad daylight. Execution style. As she went to pick up her two young children from summer visitation. She did everything right and was still a statistic. Another victim to another system.
Read MoreIn April 2003 after living in Colorado for almost 8 years, I ended up moving back east to live with my parents after a tough break up with my boyfriend. I ended up getting a job there and working for a few months while trying to figure out what I was going to do for the rest of my life. I then decided that I wasn’t happy living on the east coast and that I missed Colorado, the mountains, and the sun. I also wanted to find a job that was more fulfilling to me, something where I could make an impact by helping others.
I had always been into nature and the outdoors (although being allergic to everything made it a bit harder for me to enjoy sometimes) and had heard about programs like “Outward Bound” and “NOLS” where kids were taken into nature to build confidence and learn survival skills as a way to break the unhealthy habits that they may have been getting into as teens due to more rebellious behaviors and actions.
Read MoreIn the spring of 1998, at age 12, I was sent to be evaluated by a therapist with supposed expertise in substance use problems after my mom found something written in my diary about drug use and was understandably concerned. I was never told the reason for the evaluation or asked about what I wrote, but rather was interrogated with questions about my drug use and, when I answered honestly, she continued to interrogate me like she thought I was lying.
Read MoreBetween the years 2011 – 2019, I worked for various children/teenage treatment centers in three different states in various capacities – as a behavioral health associate, a mental health technician, and most frequently as a case manager.
One of the organizations for which I worked was an agency that served as an umbrella for several different services, all of which I dipped my hand in – including school-based services, ECS, emergency shelter, therapeutic foster care, and behavioral health/drug rehabilitation centers; it was in this facility in which I was a case manager. I worked as a mental health technician in another facility for teenagers with mental health issues.
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