I was born in a record making blizzard and although I had 6 older siblings, I was the one that was completely unplanned. Through her pregnancy, my mom had a terrible health issue and was miserable beyond imagination. I was born much later than expected and the labor was very difficult.

Because of these incredible circumstances, my mom used to tell me that I was “Her child born of distress” a loose quote of a scripture in Isaiah. Funny how that alone set the tone for my life; a lot of challenges and trauma, side by side with a deep inculcation of bible-based beliefs from the cult she was a part of.

Read More

*This statement in no way undermines the immense pain and suffering that the last 18 months has impacted on the World, this is my personal story.

You might wonder why I choose to title this “leaving my cult” essay with such a title, please allow me to explain.

I was what is commonly referred to as a “born-in”. That means, from birth I was expected to take on the beliefs and fervour my parents held for the cult they were indoctrinated into.

Read More

The mental crisis I have been in, leaving my family, is, in actuality, the leaving of a cult. In part, the cult of white supremacy, a culture of privilege, wealth and power, of authoritarianism, of male domination and the holdover of primogenitor.

Read More

A few days ago, I dropped a plate of food after cooking for an hour. The plate broke and so I had to throw it away including the food. How would you have reacted? Not long ago I would have cursed, yelled and probably even cried. Why?

When I just turned 9 my family and I flew to Korea to go to Cheongpyeong which in a nutshell is an exorcism camp. There is so much to write about this place, but today I just want to point out one thing that stuck with me from our stay there.

Read More

1998 — I met him in the UK, three years after I had lost both my parents to AIDS. I was vulnerable, grieving and suffering from depression. His association, consisting of himself, his wives and a few hundred followers, preached eco-awareness and Native American spirituality.

Read More

I got hooked. I believed in the cause. I wanted to do the work and fight the fight. It wasn’t a religion, but a school with an ethos and code that was very cult-like. The founder is very charismatic. She is brilliant and educated. More so, she can use words to wrap you up so tight in yourself, you don’t know how to get out.

Read More

Everything I was taught about my place in the world, my purpose, my value, and how much room there is for my voice has been and remains an uninvited companion.

Read More

When average people think about cults, it's easy to think about what you usually hear about, which are their harms.

But when you're in an intense group, especially one that espouses a message of love and enlightenment, being in that group can feel like an incredible high. It feels good to feel not only incredibly loved but incredibly important. . A lot of new age spiritual cults, such as the one I was in, teach that members are some of a select few on Earth; in fact, in my group, we were taught that we were unique and special not only on Earth, but within a universe (or even multi-verse) of other sentient beings. And not only that, but we were lucky enough to exist in this moment in time where we could be especially powerful.

Read More

I was told it means "beauty of the heavenly heart", but its literal meaning is more like "beauty of affection". My parents wouldn't know because they don't speak Korean. In the religious group I grew up in, Korea, Koreans and Korean culture were considered superior. Within this class/ caste system, many parents found it appropriate to give their children a Korean first or second name. And so, a top-level Korean leader whom I have never met named me.

Read More

I was beaten, starved, locked in a brown, cold isolation room, used as a physical labor slave to carry rocks up a hill. I was 15.

Read More

April 19, 1980. That was the day I planned to escape the cult. That f*cker had them make his favorite pie for my birthday, I hated it. As I blew out those candles I was terrified. That man to my left was the leader and I was going to tell him "I’m leaving".

Read More

I used to be in a church group that was emotionally and spiritually abusive, and very much like a cult. My entire church is NOT a cult — I’m still in the same church today — the group I used to be in, though, was a nightmare.

Read More

"Just trust me." I hated those words from My Father, along with the abrupt hand gesture that always made me flinch. As usual, it was impossible to disrespect him. You didn't talk back. You didn't even ask a question to clarify that you understood his request correctly. Ultimately the way would be made clear. And, you never needed the whole story, just your own part in it.

Read More

I trusted her.

My psychologists' approach was not traditional ­– although it included a lot of conventional therapy approaches, she worked in a more spiritual manner. She was kind and gentle – I trusted her. The premise was about coming back to love and my core self, my soul.

Read More

When you grow up in an authoritarian family that operates like a cult, can you ever get out? I began the conscious process of leaving my family when I was fifteen. I waited until I was the legal age of twenty one and boarded a plane to England the next day.

Read More

9:45…the alarm rings. Splashing water on my face, lenses in eyes, hair managed, clothes on.
10am…out from my room to serve his second cup of tea and make my own…the caffeine welcome…I am so tired.

Read More

I am a 24 year old woman who spent 19 years of my life in a cult. In that time, I survived extensive mind control, abuse, psychological warfare, isolation, manipulation, brainwashing, and trauma, alongside those closest to me.

Read More

Now that I am out, I find it very scary to listen to my pain but at the same time impossible to ignore. That part of me has been so lonely, so dormant, just like a very long root of some kind, hidden under the snow. Not dead, just frozen.

Read More

In the autumn of 2017, I became a member of a far-left political cult which practices a rigid form of Orthodox Trotskyism. I joined it around the same time as I went to university for the first time. I discovered the organization through the Internet after months of reading left-wing literature and being persuaded by Marxist ideas. I was at a very vulnerable time in my life - living away from home for the first time, feeling resentment towards my family, looking for a higher purpose. I was the perfect victim.

Read More

Mine is a life littered with traumas that pre-date birth.

The most destructive forces on my childhood all originate in the teachings of my parents’ church — a brand of “Christianity” that teaches (controls) with fear as the primary motivation for living. Eternal damnation to a pit of fire is a terrifying concept that crushes a young child’s soul. The terror owns the child: mind, heart, soul, and body.

Read More